


When You're Not There Anymore

by IWasAlwaysDead



Category: Haikyuu!!, Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: Cancer, Falling In Love, First Time, Fluff and Humor, Gay Sex, Heavy Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sad and Sweet, Sick Character, Smut, Song: Soon You'll Get Better (Taylor Swift)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:00:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28970979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWasAlwaysDead/pseuds/IWasAlwaysDead
Summary: Kageyama and Hinata find true love in each other, but what happens to their hopes and dreams when one of them gets sick?
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 22
Kudos: 17





	1. The First Time

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! I'm new to the Haikyuu!! Fandom but I'm not new to ao3! If you've never read me before, welcome! Prepare to be filled with fluff and sweetness right before I rip your heart out and stomp on it. 😅 
> 
> I've been writing fluff lately and felt the need to go back to my roots with this one. I hope you all enjoy!

It happened in the middle of a sleep over Daichi and Kageyama were hosting to celebrate the teams recent success on the court. After several hours of shared glances at each other, Hinata made his move. Grabbing Kageyama by the wrist, he pulled him into Kageyama's bedroom closet. Letting go of his wrist, he turned to his team mate, who stared at him in confusion, about to ask what stupid thing Hinata was up to now.

That's when Hinata jumped him. Kageyama instinctively caught the little orange haired ball of energy, too shocked to think of anything else. Hinata wrapped his arms around Kageyama's neck and pressed their lips together. Kageyama mph'd into the kiss, his eyes widening before closing as he kissed back. He walked them both forward, pushing Hinata a little harder into the wall behind him than he'd intended. Hinata didn't seem to mind. He was too involved in savoring the taste of Kageyama to care.

When the kiss finally ended, they panted for breath as they locked eyes. Neither could think of a single thing to say. With the wall stabilizing his hold on Hinata, Kageyama lifted one hand to run his fingers through that wild orange hair.

With his breath finally caught, Kageyama thought of a single question. “How long?”

“Huh?”

“How long have you wanted to do that?”

Hinata blushed. He wasn't exactly sure. “I've wanted you for a while now.”

Kageyama kissed him again. This time it was sweet and chaste. His thumb graced Hinata's cheek as he took in the sight before him. “I didn't want to admit it to myself for a long time, but I've wanted you since middle school. Since that tournament where we first met. I dreamed about you that night. But I didn't… I didn't want to admit…” Kageyama looked away.

“Your secret’s safe with me,” Hinata whispered.

Kageyama looked back into that sweet face, a half grin crossing his own. “It better be, twerp.”

“Hey! Rude!” Hinata laughed.

Kageyama laughed too as he stepped back from the wall and let Hinata down. He took Hinata by the hand, staring at the floor as he spoke. “Can we date in secret? For now, at least. Just until I'm comfortable telling the guys…”

“Sure,” Hinata shrugged. He didn't care if Kageyama never made it public as long as they could be together. At least, that's what he thought until Kageyama dropped his hand and walked out of the closet without even looking back at him. For some reason, it hurt. Even though their friendship was a façade and they were lovers now in secret, it pained Hinata to be ignored by Kageyama more than he thought it would.

“Where were you two?” Suga asked Kageyama as he stepped into the hallway.

The lie was smooth and effortless, “Hinata had a personal question he wanted to ask me. About a girl, if you know what I mean.”

“Oh! Do tell,” Suga grinned, excited to share a little gossip.

“Sorry, sworn to secrecy.”

Hinata stood in the doorway of the bedroom and listened to the seamless way in which Kageyama covered his tracks. He was a well practiced liar, and even though Hinata knew it was born of necessity, it still made him uneasy. He waited for Kageyama and Suga to head into the living room to watch the movie Daichi put on before pulling himself together and stepping into the hallway. He could do this. He could keep a secret.

***

Things stayed the same for the most part. The team practiced just as hard as ever. Kageyama and Hinata stole glances at each other, waiting until they could do more than simply look in passing. The hardest part was trying not to check each other out in the locker room. Trying not to get a hard on in front of the entire team was torture. Stolen kisses when no one was looking made up for it, however.

Weekends spent together and lying to their friends about it became easy. Steamy make out sessions on Hinata's bed turned into groping each other, and panting heavily as they stared at each other's tented pants.

“I've never had sex before,” Hinata admitted, the blush on his cheeks adorable to Kageyama.

“Me either,” Kageyama admitted. _Can't be hard to figure out though, right?_ He crawled over Hinata, a predatory look in his eyes as his hand snaked its way up Hinata’s shirt.

“Wait!” Hinata shouted, pushing against Kageyama and trembling with fear.

Kageyama stopped and withdrew his hand. “Hinni?”

Hinata burst into tears, covering his face in embarrassment. “I'm not ready!”

A soft smile laced Kageyama’s lips as he sat up and watched Hinata fall apart. “Then we’ll wait.”

Hinata peaked over his hands and sniffled, “You mean it?”

Kageyama nodded, “You're worth waiting for.”

Kageyama threw himself down on the bed next to Hinata and pulled his small body against his own. Kageyama kissed fluffy orange hair as he held onto the smaller boy. Hinata had calmed down, the warmth of Kageyama’s body a soothing presence. He turned in Kageyama’s arms so they faced each other. Hinata buried his face in Kageyama’s chest and Kageyama giggled a bit. Hinata was such a shrimp and Kageyama loved it.

They snuggled together on the bed until they were softly snoring in each other's arms. Kageyama dreamed he and Hinata were playing volleyball naked on the beach. It was hot, and their tanned bodies were dripping sweat. They were the only two on the beach, and eventually the ball would hit the sand and the two boys would find themselves making out in the water.

Hinata was forced awake by something poking his thigh. _Oh my…_ he looked between he and Kageyama, seeing Kageyama's tented pants straining toward him as Kageyama moved slightly in his sleep. Kageyama groaned and pulled Hinata tighter against his body as he rocked his hips.

“Ha!” Hinata yelped as he felt his boyfriend’s hard member rub against him. He couldn't deny what a turn on it was, and he wanted to touch Kageyama’s cock. He just wanted to feel it. He'd never touched another guy's cock before. “K-Kage?”

Kageyama simply moaned and pressed his dick even harder against Hinata. _Is it wrong if I touch it while he's sleeping?_ Hinata could feel his own arousal stirring in his pants and it caused him to squirm against Kageyama. He couldn't help himself; Hinata had to see it, had to feel it. His fingers dipped below the hem of Kageyama’s pants and pulled down slightly. The red tip of Kageyama’s straining cock popped out, and Hinata's eyes widened. He touched the velvety soft tip with his fingers and Kageyama groaned in his sleep.

“Hm?” Kageyama stirred and his eyes opened to a haze of orange hair. It took a moment for it to register that his cock was out and Hinata was staring at it. “What the heck?!”

“Oh! S-sorry!” Hinata said with embarrassment.

“What are you doing?” Kageyama asked, less of a harsh edge to his voice as he felt himself wake up fully.

“N- nothing!” Hinata was wide eyed and fearful. _I'm in for it now!_

Kageyama’s face softened to see the fear in Hinata's face. “I didn't mean to scare you,” he said as he ran his fingers through Hinata's hair.

Hinata relaxed in Kageyama's gentle grip. Around their friends and teammates Kageyama was so harsh and loud. He was demanding and aggressive. In private, however, he was gentle, quiet, and sweet. It was a side to him that only Hinata got to see. It was like their secret, and Hinata loved it. “I'm sorry,” Hinata whispered as he lowered his eyes.

Kageyama lifted Hinata's chin, “It’s okay,” he assured, “You did nothing wrong.” Kageyama pressed a sweet and simple kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. “Do you…want to be naked with me? See where things go?”

Hinata blushed and felt like his brain was melting. “Uh, sure,” he said uneasily.

Kageyama kicked off his pants and let go of Hinata so he could take off his shirt. Hinata shakily followed suit, the cool air pricking his skin. He shivered, and Kageyama was quick to wrap him up in his strong arms and warm him with his body. They'd never been naked before like this. Sure, they'd seen each other change in the locker room, but that was different. That wasn't like now, where they could feel every inch of their hard, lithe bodies touching each other. Nothing had ever felt as good as their sensitive cocks touching, rubbing together as they moved against each other on the bed.

Kageyama rolled on top of Hinata and pressed his hips down into Hinata. The way his boyfriend’s face twisted in pleasure only served to encourage him. He began thrusting his hips, rubbing their cocks as they frotted on the bed. They panted and moaned into their heated, sloppy kisses, and it wasn't long before they both were coming onto their stomachs.

They laid in their mess for a moment, catching their breath and dizzy from their release. For a moment they just looked at each other. This was their first sexual experience. Neither were sure what to do or say now. “We should probably clean up,” Kageyama suggested.

“Oh, yeah,” Hinata agreed as he got off the bed and followed Kageyama into the bathroom.


	2. Unwell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata doesn't feel very good and Kageyama is worried.

“Suga wants to know if we want to go to the festival this weekend,” Kageyama suggested as he and Hinata walked to school.

The morning air was brisk and invigorating, and Hinata felt he needed the hit of cold to wake him up. He'd been struggling to get up with his alarm lately despite getting adequate sleep. He figured it was all the extra studying he was doing. The new rule of their high school meant that in order to remain in any sports club, all athletes had to maintain a B average or better. “Sounds like fun,” he smiled up at his lover despite wondering if he'd have the energy to go to a festival.

“Cool, I'll let him know,” Kageyama said as he shot Suga a text.

The two of them met their team in the gym, warm up starting at 6:30am and practice getting underway by 7am. They set up practice drills with Daichi blowing a whistle every rotation. Usually everyone found the drills fun and exciting as they raced back and forth across the court, tossing the ball back and forth to each other like a sort of relay. But Hinata was struggling to keep up. His usual ball of energy self was breathing heavily, sweat pouring down his body.

“Dude, are you okay?” Yamaguchi asked as he tossed Hinata the ball.

“Yeah, just a little tired,” Hinata said.

“C’mon shorty! You usually have more energy than all of us!” Tsukki teased.

Kageyama growled in annoyance, silently concerned about Hinata. They'd talk later about it. Daichi blew his final whistle and everyone stopped. It was time for a practice skirmish and then classes would start. Kageyama looked over at Hinata, who appeared abnormally out of breath. Something was definitely up.

During his first two classes, Hinata found himself struggling to stay awake. At one point he hit his head on the desk with a loud thud. The entire class stared at him as he softly snored against his desk. At least the teacher didn't notice.

At lunch, Hinata found he really wasn't hungry. “You have to eat,” Kageyama grumbled, wondering what had gotten into his boyfriend.

“I know. I'm just not hungry.” Hinata looked up at his boyfriend with pleading eyes.

“Are you sick?” Kageyama asked.

“No. I don't think so. I'm just having an off day,” Hinata said as he poked at his food.

That first off day turned into several off days. Hinata felt more and more sluggish each day. He started missing Kageyama's sets and screwing up their quick attacks. By Friday, Hinata slept through his alarm, waking up to Kageyama shaking his shoulder and yelling at him to stop being so damn lazy.

“I'm up! I'm up!” Hinata yelped, frightened by the sudden jostling.

Kageyama simply laughed at the way a groggy Hinata rolled out of his bed and jumped to his feet in a panic over being late. He didn't have time to shower, so he threw on his gym clothes, grabbed his bag, and raced out the door.

“What? No good morning kiss?” Kageyama said, arms crossed as he tapped his foot impatiently.

“Oh! Sorry,” Hinata ran back over to his boyfriend and jumped up, Kageyama catching him by the waist as they shared a brief kiss.

The feel of Hinata’s bones through his clothing concerned Kageyama. “You've lost weight. What's going on?”

Hinata shrugged as his feet touched the ground. “I just haven’t been that hungry."

Kageyama placed a hand on Hinata's forehead. “Well, you don't have a fever.” He grumbled to himself. Hinata really looked like crap. He had dark circles under his eyes and his cheeks and eyes looked sunken in from weight loss. “Promise me you'll eat today.”

“Okay,” Hinata said.

Since they were the only two on the street, they held hands as they walked. It wouldn't be until they got closer to the school that they would have to drop hands. Hinata wished Kageyama would stop being so afraid. He was pretty sure nobody was going to care if they were gay. Then again, Kageyama had a different home life from him, and Hinata wondered if he kept their relationship a secret because his family was homophobic.

The next day was the festival, but they didn't have to leave until 4pm, which meant that Hinata could sleep in. He was still in bed at noon when Kageyama showed up. He entered the room, noticing only a tuft of orange hair peaking through the covers. Kageyama sighed and crawled into bed with him. He pulled Hinata into his body and breathed him in. “I'm worried about you,” he whispered softly.

Hinata yawned and rolled over, placing his hands on Kageyama’s chest as he snuggled into the warmth of his lovers body. Hinata didn't wake up, however. Instead, while still asleep, he mumbled, “I love you, Kage.”

Kageyama's eyes shot open wide as he stared at Hinata. They hadn't taken that step in their relationship yet. Sure, they knew they had strong feelings for each other. Kageyama also knew he'd die for Hinata. But they hadn't _said_ it yet. Saying it was a big deal. Once you said it, you couldn't take it back, so it was best to be totally sure. “I love you too, Hinata,” Kageyama whispered as he kissed wild orange hair.

They slept together until 2:30pm, when Kageyama started tickling Hinata to wake him. The smaller boy giggled and squirmed, begging Kageyama to stop it as he attempted to pry his boyfriend’s hands from his body. Tickle torture turned into sweet kisses which led to moaning and groping and jerking each other off beneath the covers.

“We’re going to be late,” Kageyama said as he got out of bed.

Hinata admired his boyfriend’s toned ass. “I don't care.”

“Well, it's rude to be late, so get up!” Kageyama snatched the covers off Hinata just as Hinata landed a perfect smack to that irresistible ass. Kageyama jumped and swatted at Hinata, but the bit was too fast. He was giggling behind the locked bathroom door before Kageyama could do anything about it.

They wound up being on time meeting their friends after all. Everyone met at the train station, deciding it would be more fun to travel together. Kageyama stood facing the corner and Hinata stood in front of them. The train was loud so their conversation couldn't be heard. They thought they were sneaky sharing a quick kiss, but Suga caught it in the reflection of the window. His eyes widened but he didn't say anything. He'd been wondering why Kageyama had been acting nicer toward Hinata lately. They'd been fighting a lot less and hanging out a lot more. Everything suddenly made sense to Suga in that one moment. _They were together._

The festival was loud and busy. Delicious smells of cooking food wafted through the air. A local band played. There were booths set up and games to play and things to buy. Fortune tellers sat in dark tents waiting to tell everyone their future. A mechanical bull sat waiting to throw off its rider.

“Why don't you ride the pony Hinata?” Tsukki teased. The ponies were very small and intended only for children. Hinata glared at Tsukki.

Kageyama bought a funnel cake and was happy when Hinata actually ate some of it. It was the first thing his frail looking boyfriend had eaten all day. Perhaps it wasn't the healthiest thing he could've eaten, but it was something.

On the train ride home Hinata passed out in Kageyama's lap. Kageyama absent-mindedly stroked his orange hair as he talked to his friends about his concerns. “He's lost weight,” Kageyama explained, “I'm really worried about him.”

Suga watched the gentle, loving way that Kageyama stroked Hinata’s hair and sighed. The little guy did seem like he was starting to lag behind. Suga had noticed he'd barely been making it through practice. “Encourage him to see a doctor. It's all you can do.”

Kageyama nodded. He didn't care if he had to drag Hinata to a doctor by force. They were going. It was far too worrisome seeing Hinata this way. Something had to be done.

That night, Kageyama stayed with Hinata, holding him as he slept. Wrought with worry, Kageyama struggled to fall asleep himself. Sometime around midnight, Hinata got up and stumbled to the bathroom, trembling. He ran into the doorway with a loud thud, which woke Kageyama up. Kageyama got out of bed and walked over to the bathroom to find Hinata vomiting into the toilet. “Are you okay?”

Without looking up, Hinata spit into the toilet and flushed it. “I just got really dizzy. And I ache all over. I feel so cold, Kage.”

Kageyama’s heart broke for his boyfriend. Something was terribly wrong. “So you want me to draw you a hot bath?”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Hinata said.

Kageyama started the bath while Hinata sat on the floor shivering. He pulled off his shirt, but when he tried standing to take off his pants, the dizziness hit him again and he stumbled. Kageyama caught him and helped him undress. “I'm really worried about you,” he confessed.

Hinata turned tired eyes to Kageyama. “I'm worried too,” he admitted.

Kageyama helped Hinata into the tub. “Please call the doctor tomorrow. Promise me you'll go.”

Hinata relaxed into the hot, soothing water and nodded. “Will you come with me when I go?”

Kageyama kissed his boyfriend’s forehead. “Of course.”

Hinata smiled and closed his eyes, nearly falling back asleep. He held Kageyama’s hand, who watched over him like a hawk. Kageyama could feel it in his gut. Something was very, very wrong with his little orange haired boyfriend, and it had him worried sick.


	3. Hospital Stays and Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata goes to the doctor. Things change drastically at a volleyball game. Kageyama confesses to the team the nature of his relationship with Hinata.

Like some kind of miracle, Hinata’s appetite made a return the next day. Eating real food boosted his energy level, and he and Kageyama made the most of their Sunday together. Between heated passion beneath the sheets, binging their favorite TV shows, and one long afternoon nap together, the boys felt like they day was well spent. Both Kageyama and Hinata were hopeful that whatever bug Hinata had been plagued with was gone.

That hope would be gone the next day, however, when Hinata didn't feel well enough to go to school. He'd been running a fever and feeling achy in all his joints. Kageyama brought him soup and checked on him during lunch. Later that day Kageyama skipped his after school study session to be with Hinata. “You see the doctor tomorrow, right?”

Hinata nodded weakly, too tired to even speak. Kageyama held his tiny lover as they laid in his bed, growing more concerned by the second. This wasn't some bug. This had been going on for over two weeks now and Hinata was only getting worse. He wasn't the energetic, boisterous teen Kageyama had fallen so in love with anymore.

The next day, both boys skipped school to see the doctor. They held hands in the waiting room, Hinata shivering and complaining he was cold despite being bundled up. Kageyama was exhausted himself, having not been able to get decent sleep in days over Hinata’s condition.

When he was called back, the nurse looked at both boys funnily as they approached the door “Is it okay if he comes? He's my boyfriend,” Hinata explained.

She nodded and Kageyama blushed. It embarrassed him for a moment, but the moment passed. There was nothing to be embarrassed about. He loved Hinata and being with him was amazing, not embarrassing.

The boys sat next to each other in the exam room, still holding hands as the nurse checked Hinata's vitals and took down his symptoms. She left and the boys waited anxiously for the doctor to arrive. Taking advantage of being alone for a moment, Kageyama reached over and turned Hinata's face toward his. He then placed a sweet, gentle kiss to those pale lips and smiled. “No matter what happens Hinata, I love you, okay?”

Hinata gasped, eyes sparkling and heart hammering in his chest. Did Kageyama really just say he loved him? Was this real life? “I love you too.” The words felt so natural to say, so true. Why hadn't he ever said them before? They'd always been there, waiting to be spoken out loud. And now they were. They were sent out into the universe and buried deep in each boys heart, forever remaining true until the end of time.

They kissed again and then a knock on the door followed by an older gentleman entering the room in a white lab coat broke it up. He introduced himself, sitting on a little stool as he squinted through his glasses and inspected Hinata. “So you've had trouble staying awake during the day?”

“Yes sir,” Hinata said.

“Well, there's lots of things it could be. I'll order a few blood tests and we'll go from there, alright?”

“Yes sir,” Hinata gulped, not exactly fond of needles. Kageyama was with him and he needed answers, so he knew there was no chickening out.

The doctor left and the nurse reappeared to draw blood. Hinata closed his eyes and buried his face in Kageyama's side, expecting it to hurt. When it didn't, he relaxed, and before he knew it, the nurse was saying, “All done!” and bandaging him.

On the way home they stopped for lunch, Hinata's appetite returning just a bit once again. It made Kageyama happy to see him eat. They'd know in a few days what was going on, and that added to Kageyama’s relief as well. Once they had an answer, Hinata would get better and they’d be back at the top of their game.

The rest of the week went better for Hinata. With the return of his appetite came the return of some of his energy. He made it to most of the practices that week and even felt good enough for the game they had that Saturday. The whole team had started to worry about him, but they didn't say anything or try to prevent him from playing.

The game was going well, Hinata giving it his all and even seeming normal as he nailed each quick attack that Kageyama set up for him. They were two points in the lead by the second half of the game, and it looked like they might win. Even Tanaka had already removed his shirt in early celebration.

Kageyama lifted his arms, ready to send the ball to Hinata for another quick attack when he heard Daichi yell Hinata's name. The ball bounced awkwardly off Kageyama's hands, and he wheeled around as it smacked the floor. Hinata was face down on the court, unmoving. “Hinata! Get up!” Kageyama shouted as he raced to him.

Sliding onto his knees, Kageyama grabbed Hinata’s shoulder and shook him, but Hinata didn't move. He pulled his boyfriend over and held him in his arms as he burst into tears, “Someone help! Please!”

Everyone on the court was silent as Kageyama’s desperate plea for help echoed across the gym. An EMT raced over and checked Hinata's pulse. An ambulance was called and the boy was taken to the ER.

The game was postponed and the entire Kurasuno high school volley ball team went to the hospital to check on their team mate. Kageyama was in complete shambles, and for once Tsukki kept his mouth shut. Suga knew why Kageyama was in such distress, but kept the secret to himself. It was still hard to look at Kageyama, however. Every time he did, it broke his heart.

The team was made to wait as Hinata was admitted to the hospital. Because they weren't family, the hospital staff couldn't tell them anything or allow them to see Hinata. Yamaguchi brought everyone coffee, and Suga rubbed Kageyama's back as he sat with his coffee hanging between his knees and his head held low. “I'm sure he'll be alright,” Suga reassured.

“I don't know what I'll do if he's not,” Kageyama whispered.

“You must really love him,” Suga said.

Kageyama glared at Suga, but Suga remained unphased. The way he looked at Kageyama spoke volumes. _Your secret is safe with me._

“How long have you known about us?” Kageyama asked quietly.

“Since the festival.”

Kageyama nodded, “I see.”

“I haven't told anyone, but I think you should. If the guys knew, they could support you better,” Suga explained.

Daichi overheard that part as he walked over, “Knew what?”

Kageyama blanched and stood, “Nothing! None of your damn business, okay?!” Before anyone could respond to his outburst, and before he could meltdown completely, Kageyama stormed off to find a bathroom. He could breakdown in a bathroom stall, then splash water on his face, and be good as new. At least, that's what he was hoping.

Daichi turned to Suga, confused, “Care to explain?”

Suga shrugged, “It’s not really for me to say.”

By this time the rest of the team had gathered around, wondering why Kageyama was so bent out of shape. “He's been acting strange for a while now,” Tsukki said.

“I agree,” said Yamaguchi. “I know they're best friends and all, but it's almost like Kageyama's in love with Hinata.”

“So what if I am?” Kageyama’s voice carried across the room. Every head turned to face him, and he walked up to his team mates, shaking with rage and fear and worry. “He's not my best friend. He's my boyfriend. And yes, I'm very much in love with him. And worried about him. And _terrified._ ”

Kageyama broke down, but his friends were there to hold him together. They all gathered around him, hugging him and assuring him that everything would be alright. They could face anything if they faced it together.


	4. In Shambles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama holds it together. Barely.

Eventually the team was allowed to see their friend. They greeted Hinata's mom and sister, who left the crowded room to get some food. When the team all piled into Hinata's hospital room, he seemed perky and alert thanks to the IV fluids he was getting. It shocked him when Kageyama crossed the room and kissed him right on the lips in front of everyone, however. “Kage?”

Kageyama smiled sheepishly, “They know, Hinni.”

“Oh my God that nickname is so cute!” Tanaka said. Then he “oof'd" when Daichi elbowed him in the side.

Hinata giggled and looked around the room, “Surprise?” He said with a blush.

“We’re happy for you two,” Daichi said. “Now get better, okay? We can't have Kageyama falling apart over you every ten seconds. It's exhausting.”

Hinata laughed but Kageyama seethed. Of course they were making fun of him. What else did he honestly expect? It was meant in good fun, and he knew that, but he was feeling a little more sensitive than usual. Maybe if the love of his life wasn't laying sick in a hospital bed he'd have thicker skin.

By the time his family returned, everyone from the team left except Kageyama, who fell asleep in the chair next to Hinata's bed. Hinata’s mom and sister eventually went home as well, but not Kageyama. He slept through the hospital staff coming throughout the night to take vitals, one of them placing a warm blanket over him. When the morning sun peaked through the window, he blinked, confused about where he was at first. “Hinni?”

Hinata smiled at him, “I'm still here.”

Kageyama stood and stretched, planting a kiss to Hinata’s face. “I need to go home and shower. I can smell myself.”

Hinata giggled. “Okay but hurry back. I don't like being here alone.”

“I'll be quick,” Kageyama said as he left.

Hinata would be alone when the doctor came in to tell him about his lab results. It was everything Hinata didn't want for himself. The tests they did the night before confirmed what the blood test results from Hinata's doctor visit earlier in the week revealed. Hinata's head spun at the news. It felt like he was looking through a tunnel and his heart began to race as the words the doctor spoke all started to jumble together.

 _How is this possible?_ Hinata didn't even realize tears were streaming down his face. Just a few short weeks ago he was a healthy, normal high schooler. “I can't be sick. I can't be. This isn't right.”

“We have to do more testing to be sure what stage it is, but you most certainly have Leukemia,” the doctor reiterated.

Hinata was numb, his face blank and eyes wide. It was then that Kageyama decided to enter the room. His timing was absolute shit. It could not have been worse. Kageyama stopped halfway to the bed where Hinata lay and stared at the shocked boy. What had happened? What news did that doctor bring that had Hinata staring at the wall in silence? “Hinni?” Kageyama felt like his voice sounded pathetic. Like it was far away and not his own. He cleared his throat and sat in the chair beside his boyfriend. Gently grasping his wrist, Kageyama asked again. “Hinata, what happened?”

The doctor turned to go. “I'll give you two a moment.”

For reasons he didn't understand yet, Kageyama hated that doctor. Why didn't he wait until Hinata's mother came back? What kind of asshole doctor gives a teenager bad news while he's alone and scared in the hospital? Kageyama pulled his glaring eyes from the door the doctor exited through and refocused on Hinata. “Baby, please, talk to me.”

That got Hinata's attention. They didn't usually share little affection pet names with each other. Well, not unless calling each other idiot and moron counted. “I have cancer,” Hinata said in a nearly inaudible tone. “L- leukemia.”

Kageyama felt as though he’d been struck by a train, the news hitting him so hard he lost his breath and vision all at once. It felt like he was swimming against rapids, drowning in a current he couldn't win against. _No. It's not true._ “You're going to be okay Hinata. You're going to be okay,” but even as he said the words they felt hollow and untrue.

Hinata just stared at him, and Kageyama's response to the news was to get angry. His nostrils flared and he stood, stomping across the room to punch the wall.

“You’re going to get kicked out. Don't do that!” Hinata said, his voice riddled with worry. He didn't know what he'd do if Kageyama was taken from him.

Kageyama looked at his red knuckles. “Sorry,” he grumbled low, not sounding sorry at all.

“Come here,” Hinata said, arms outstretched and face soft and loving.

Kageyama obeyed with feigned reluctance. He crawled onto the bed and folded into Hinata's arms. Despite being larger than his petite lover, he felt comfortable there, secure. Hinata ran his fingers through dark hair, the touch calming his hostile boyfriend. He watched as Kageyama closed his eyes and breathed deep.

Once Kageyama seemed calm, Hinata spoke. “I have to have some more tests to see what stage I am. Why don't you go home? You can't afford to miss school. “

“I'll go when they wheel you out for those tests,” Kageyama groaned, “But I'm coming here straight after school tomorrow.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Hinata giggled. “I'm expecting you to bring me my assignments.”

“I will,” Kageyama said, reaching up for a quick kiss.

After a few quiet moments together, a nurse walked into the room and explained it was time to go for more testing. “That's My cue,” Kageyama said as he rolled off the bed and onto his feet. He turned to Hinata and leaned across the bed, “I love you,” he said as he stole one last kiss from Hinata, leaving the ginger haired boy blushing.

Once he was out of that dreaded hospital and on his way home, Kageyama’s strong façade crumbled. He pulled out his phone and with trembling fingers he almost couldn't control, typed out a group message to the team. He felt weak, like everything was unreal and his vision blurred as the tears fell.

**I'm walking home from the hospital and I don't want to be alone.**

Kageyama struggled to see the replies filter in through his tears, and he wiped his eyes as he walked.

Suga: **I'll come over**

Daichi: **Me too**

Tsukki: **should I bring anything? Have you eaten?**

Kageyama: **No, I haven't eaten.**

Yamaguchi: **We can bring pizza**

Suga: **We will be there in fifteen minutes!**

Kageyama: **Thanks guys**

Pocketing his phone, Kageyama turned down his street, feeling ever so slightly better that his friends were coming over. When he unlocked the door to the house, it was all he could do to make it to the couch before collapsing on it. He laid there, the shock like a tide that ebbed and flowed through his mind. _Why him? Why Hinata?_ Kageyama sniffled and rubbed his face with his hand, exhausted and defeated. The first person he ever truly loved just _had_ to get sick. It was unfair and stupid and Kageyama hated it.


	5. The C Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata finds out more about his condition. Kageyama leans on his friends

Having such close friends was a God send for Kageyama. He didn't realize he was even hungry until the pizza arrived and the delicious smell of it made his mouth water. The guys served it up with cups of soda and sat around the TV, trying to find a good movie to distract Kageyama with.

“What did the doctor say? Did they find anything?” Suga asked as he sat next to Kageyama on the couch.

“Yes,” Kageyama gulped as he set his half eaten slice of pizza down. “He has leukemia.”

There was an audible gasp in the room, followed by silence. Then Yamaguchi spoke up. “Is he gonna be okay?”

“I don't know,” Kageyama said as stared at his pizza.

“My cousin had that,” Tsukki interjected, “It's usually like 99% curable or something crazy like that. As far as getting cancer goes, it's by far not the worst he can get. Still sucks, but it's not the worst.”

Kageyama felt hopeful for the first time. “Really? How is your cousin doing today?”

“She's totally fine. She gets checked every now and again but she's really healthy now and likely will never get cancer again,” Tsukki said with a small grin.

Kageyama felt encouraged. “Thanks, Tsukki.”

“No problem.”

Daichi found a comedy on Netflix and put it on. Everyone sat quietly around the living room as the movie started. Kageyama looked around, feeling hopeful and loved for the first time. The movie was about halfway through when Kageyama fell asleep. The stress of the weekend had finally caught up with him. Suga tossed a blanket over him and made sure he was not disturbed. The guy deserved some decent rest.

***

Kageyama bolted from the class room the moment the bell rang. He didn't stop running until he reached the hospital and the lady at the front desk told him to cool it. Slowing to a brisk walk, he broke back out into a run when he hit a clear hallway. By the time he reached Hinata's room, he was a sweaty, panting mess.

“Did you run all the way here?” Hinata asked, amusement dancing in his eyes.

“Yes,” Kageyama barely got the word out as he slung his book bag into a nearby chair. Approaching the bed, he leaned down and planted a wet, sweaty kiss on Hinata.

“Kags!” He said, wiping his mouth.

Kageyama laughed and straightened up. “So, have you gotten your test results yet?”

“Still waiting,” Hinata sighed.

Kageyama walked into the bathroom and freshened up. “That sucks,” he called out. Then he walked back over to the bed and motioned for Hinata to scoot over. He did, and Kageyama slid into the bed and pulled his boyfriend against him, kissing his hair.

Hinata grinned wide as he reclined against his boyfriend’s embrace. “You're extra affectionate today.”

“I missed you,” Kageyama mumbled as his lips traveled down Hinata's neck.

“We are not having hospital room sex,” Hinata protested.

“Who said anything about sex? I just want to be with you.” Of course, Kageyama would've given anything to have sex in that moment. He knew they'd never get the privacy they needed, however. Besides, the atmosphere of the hospital didn't really lend itself to romance and intimacy.

Hinata was sleeping against Kageyama as he watched TV when a nurse came in. “Good news, you're being discharged today!” She stopped when she realized Hinata was asleep. “Let him know when he walked up please. I'm going to get his paperwork ready now.”

Kageyama nodded and gently stroked his lovers face. “Hey baby, it's time to wake up.”

Hinata groaned and squirmed and pressed harder against Kageyama’s firm chest. It seemed he didn't want to be disturbed.

“You gotta wake up. You're going home today,” Kageyama explained as he gently jostled Hinata.

That seemed to get his attention. Groggy, somewhat confused eyes opened and scanned the room. It seemed to slowly dawn on him that he was still in the hospital and that it hadn't been a horrible nightmare like he wished. Hinata lifted his sleepy face to look at Kageyama and received a kiss to his forehead for his efforts. Hinata smiled and buried his face in Kageyama's shirt.

“If you don't get up and get ready to leave I'm going to tickle you,” Kageyama threatened.

“Alright! I'm up, I'm up,” Hinata said as he pushed himself off his boyfriend and slid off the edge of the bed onto the floor. He felt wobbly on his legs, and held onto the bed to steady himself.

“Let me help you,” Kageyama said as he got off the bed and scrambled over to Hinata. “I guess laying around in bed for two days made you forget how to use your legs.”

Kageyama laughed lightly at the joke, but Hinata's face was bothered. “How am I going to play volleyball if I can't even walk to the toilet?”

“Don't think about that now. Focus on getting better. Kick cancers ass for me, okay?” Kageyama encouraged as he held his frail boyfriend’s hands and helped to the toilet.

Hinata offered a half hearted smile. “Okay.”

…

Kicking cancers ass would prove difficult. Hinata's mom brought him to his first oncology appointment. It made him nervous and the entire experience felt almost unreal to him. All he did the entire time was wish Kageyama was there with him.

The man behind the large oak desk was friendly enough, but most of what he was saying to Hinata passed right through him. The man pushed his glasses up his nose and occasionally touched his beard as he went on about the specifics of Hinata's cancer. “Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia,” was the only line that caught Hinata's attention. That, and learning that he may need treatment for two _years._

Hinata's heart sank. He was going to be sick like this for two whole years? Would he be allowed to play volleyball or would he be too ill? Hinata couldn't imagine not playing for two years straight. The thought was maddening. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to go through treatment. Hinata wanted to run screaming and never look back.

Instead, he sat there politely and answered, “Yes sir,” and “No sir,” to every question. He felt detached, and it wouldn't be until later, when he was alone in his room that he would cry.


	6. The Greatest Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata tries to spare Kags from grief but it backfires. Then Hinata shows up to a game to cheer on his team, but learns a terrible truth about his boyfriend instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been OBSESSED with updating this story. I promise I'll update the others soon.

“I think we should break up.”

Kageyama nearly fell over dead. The shock came in strong waves he felt powerless to stop. He couldn't move, couldn't speak. The room began to spin. Rage filled him and his fingers twitched as Hinata's words sank in. It took everything he had not to explode, but he was sure a vein was popping out on his forehead anyway. “What did you say?”

Hinata gulped, stepping backward until the back of his legs hit his bed, stopping him. Kageyama was always so much scarier when he spoke in that low, terrifying voice. “I-I just don't want you to suffer!”

Kageyama growled as his hands balled into tight fists at his side. “Suffer? You don't want me to… suffer?” His voice was still eerily calm, but that all ended when he shouted, “What do you think breaking up with me will do?! You don't think that'll cause me to suffer?!”

Hinata reeled back, a coward in the face of Kageyama's anger. _Why is he so scary when he's mad?_ Hinata trembled, and knowing that Kageyama would never hurt him didn't help his fear. Hinata didn't like seeing anyone angry. It always made him uncomfortable at best. At worst, he shook and regretted ever saying anything.

Kageyama took notice of Hinata's fear and unballed his fists. With a deep breath, he willed himself to relax. “Hinni,” he said softly, lovingly. Stepping over to the smaller boy, he pulled him into a firm embrace, holding him until he stopped shaking. “I love you. I want to go through this with you. Please don't take away the best thing in my life.”

Hinata stopped shaking and looked up at Kageyama. “I thought volleyball was the best thing in your life?”

“Don't be stupid,” Kageyama chastised. “Of course it’s not. Nothing compares to you.”

Hinata melted at the words. He didn't realize how strong Kageyama's love for him was until that moment. Sighing into the embrace, Hinata wrapped his arms around his larger boyfriend and closed his eyes. With his head against Kageyama’s chest, he could feel his heart beat, and knew each bounding sound was for him. “I'm sorry.”

“I am too,” Kageyama said as he patted Hinata’s head.

Hinata turned wide eyes up to Kageyama, and Kageyama couldn't resist bending down to kiss those pouting lips. He pushed away dark thoughts as he relished in the sweet moment. Dark thoughts that begged the question: what would he do without Hinata? How could life go on? He shuddered. Hinata would be fine. He would get better, and he’d do it all with Kageyama by his side.

In the following days, Hinata switched to virtual learning so he could avoid coming into contact with anyone who might be sick. It would also help him to keep up with school work on his worst days. Being able to complete his work from bed was the miracle he needed, considering how tired he was.

Everyday after school Kageyama went straight to Hinata's house. He made sure Hinata ate, showered, wore fresh clothes, and wasn't falling behind in anything. On good days, they'd venture outside and enjoy the warm sun. They'd hold hands as they walked and talked about the future, where they'd go to college and the kind of house they wanted to live in when they were older.

He didn't say anything, but Kageyama knew part of his plan involved marrying that short, wild, orange haired boy. There was not a single future Kageyama could imagine that didn't have Hinata in it. They were meant to be together, to spend their lives together. Of that he was sure.

***

The smell of the gym brought back just as many memories as the sound of sneakers squeaking against the floor. When he entered, Hinata stood in the doorway for a moment, overwhelmed with nostalgia.

The squeaking came to a halt and a familiar voice boomed, “Hinata! What are you doing here?!”

Daichi's question pulled Hinata to the present moment, and he stared at his team without a reply. A slight blush grave his youthful features, and he smiled. “I'm here for the game!”

Kageyama approached him, but didn't look angry. Instead, he just looked sad. “Hinata, coach isn't going to let you play.”

“I know,” Hinata shyly scratched the back of his head. “I'm just here for moral support.”

The rest of the team walked over, gently patting Hinata on the back or ruffling his hair. “That's the spirit!” Tanaka yelled excitedly.

Suga cast a sad look at Kageyama, and Kageyama swallowed thickly. He hadn't told Hinata the truth yet. He hadn't wanted to see his boyfriend get upset or blame himself. Kageyama gave Suga a small nod and then smirked crookedly down at his boyfriend. “I guess that means we'll both be benched.”

Hinata crinkled his nose in confusion. “What?”

Kageyama looked away and rubbed his arm. The rest of the team took the hint and scattered, leaving the lovebirds to their conversation. “I haven't been able to play since you've been gone. It's like…like I've lost my touch. I can't explain it.”

Hinata's heart sank. He had never intended to take volleyball away from his boyfriend. Things were hard enough now that he wasn't in school and was sick all the time from treatment. He knew Kageyama was stressed to the max worrying about him. Volleyball was the one thing that could make his stress better, and it was gone now too. “Kags…” Hinata didn't know what to say. “What if I'm here, cheering you on? Will that help?”

Kageyama couldn't bring his eyes up to meet Hinata's pleading stare. “I don't know,” he shrugged. “Maybe.”

Hinata reached for one of Kageyama's hands and squeezed it. “Try for me?”

Kageyama glanced at that beautiful face before looking away again. “Okay.”

Hinata cheered, wanting to jump, but feeling unable to. Instead, he gave his boyfriend’s hand a feeble squeeze before sending him off to join his team.

Taking his seat before the bleachers, Hinata watched as Kageyama played the worst game of his life. He'd never seen the guy so distracted, so off. Every set was wrong. Every choice he made was bad. At one point, he missed the ball entirely. Hinata cringed. _From king of the court to jester,_ he thought sadly. He could see the pain in Kageyama's eyes, the anger on his face. Finally, coach benched him.

“Told you,” Kageyama mumbled as he let his head fall and stared at the floor.

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,” Hinata whispered. He didn't know how to comfort his boyfriend. Didn't know what to say. It was like watching someone who'd never played before. It was painful.


	7. Dance With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata and Kageyama share a very special moment

Kageyama knocked on Hinata's front door like he did everyday. And just like everyday, Hinata’s mom answered. “Hi! How is he today?”

“I'm sorry, but he's not here. I should've called you,” the willowy woman said.

Panicked, he asked, “Where is he?”

“Hospital. He was admitted last night.”

“Can I see him? Is he okay?” Kageyama didn't even try to hide the frantic tone in his voice.

“I'm sure he'd love to see you,” she said. “He-"

“Thanks!” Kageyama shouted as he ran back out to the street and took off toward the hospital. He wasn't waiting for Hinata’s mom to explain anything further. He'd figure it all out when he got to the hospital.

Kageyama had been prepared to fight to see his boyfriend, but was pleasantly surprised to find he was instead led straight to his room. Inside the dim hospital room, a TV played in the corner that Hinata ignored as he picked at the food on the tray in front of him. He looked pale and tired, but otherwise seemed okay. “Hinni.”

Hinata’s face lit up at the sound of his nickname. “Kags!”

“Are you okay? Why are you here?” Kageyama asked as he entered the room and found himself by his boyfriend’s bed.

“Yeah, I just passed out is all. Apparently I was dehydrated. I feel much better.”

Kageyama ran his fingers through orange hair and was horrified when a clump of hair came away with his hand. “Hinata…” he said as he stared at it.

“Oh, yeah. It's been falling out in spades. Thought about shaving it.” He shrugged, hiding his embarrassment well.

In that moment Kageyama realized just how attached to that lovely orange hair he really was. He loved it. He loved running his fingers through it. Soon it would all be gone, and Kageyama tried to push down the worry that it meant Hinata would soon follow.

“I think you'll rock the bald look,” Kageyama lied with a smile as he threw the hair in the trash and pretended it didn't felt bother him.

“Heck yeah,” Hinata smiled, scooting over and making room in the bed for Kageyama.

Kageyama slid into the bed and pulled Hinata into him. As they laid there ignoring the TV and half eaten food tray, Kageyama dreamed out loud. “When you're better, let's take a trip. Maybe we can go to the beach somewhere.”

“That would be awesome,” Hinata said as he rested his head against Kageyama’s shoulder. Anywhere would be better than the stale hospital room he currently found himself in. Hinata just wanted some semblance of normalcy. He wanted to sit in a class room and fall asleep because he’d gotten up far too early that morning to practice volleyball. He wanted his friends. He wanted homework and running through the rain because he forgot his umbrella. He wanted so many things.

When Hinata fell asleep, Kageyama kissed his forehead and whispered, “I love you,” before slipping away into sweet peace himself.

Hinata would remain in the hospital long enough to have several treatments there and have to take his finals on his laptop from his hospital bed. He was kept entertained by his friends visiting and Kageyama’s constant companionship. Kageyama did his best to keep Hinata’s spirits up, racing with him in a wheelchair through the halls of the hospital. They oftentimes wheeled through the garden where Hinata enjoyed watching the coy swim in their pond.

The sun was bright as the day was warm and Hinata was glad for it. It was so easy for him to feel cold lately, and he didn't know why. It probably had to do with all the weight he lost, but he ignored that. “I want to dance,” he said out of the blue.

“Dance? But there's no music playing.” Kageyama wondered what was going through his boyfriends chemo fried brain.

“I'll sing something. Now help me up!”

Kageyama rolled his eyes, but obeyed. Hinata was a terrible singer, and an even worse dancer. He gently lifted Hinata from the wheelchair, and Hinata stood with socked feet on top of Kageyama’s shoes as he steadied himself against Kageyama’s firm body.

Once Kageyama started moving, Hinata began to sing softly against his chest, “Fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars. Let me see what spring is like  
On a, Jupiter and Mars.” He took Kageyama’s hand and kissed it, “In other words, hold my hand. In other words, baby, kiss me.”

Kageyama smiled as they swayed and bent his head down to kiss his young love.

“Fill my heart with song, and let me sing for ever more. You are all I long for, all I worship and adore. In other words, please be true. In other words, I love you.”

Kageyama’s grin stretched happily upon his face. “I love you too.”

“Kage?”

“Hm?”

“I'm tired.”

“Okay.”

Kageyama gently lowered Hinata into his wheelchair and took him back to his room. Hinata slept the rest of the day. Kageyama stayed by his side, holding his hand and watching TV until the sun set and he had to go. The path he once raced down to get to Hinata was one he walked now with great reluctance. He didn't like being away from Hinata. Didn't like sleeping alone. “One day, when this is all over, we'll be together. We'll share the same bed until we're old and bitter and hate everything but each other.” Kageyama smiled wearily to himself. As soon as Hinata got better, they were taking that vacation and that's when he'd propose. It was perfect. It was something to look forward to. The most hopeful of lies to believe.

That night he dreamed he and Hinata were lounging in beach chairs, their feet stuck in hot sand as the large umbrella above sheltered them from the scorching sun. The ocean waves were like music as they crashed upon the shore, and the laughs of other beach goers could be heard in the distance.

They'd join an impromptu game of beach volleyball, laughing as they played a perfect game. The strangers they had met out on the sand that day invited them to dinner that night, and they'd go. They'd go and have the best time. They’d eat fresh caught seafood and swap funny stories with their new friends.

Later that night They'd make love in their hotel room. Hinata would look healthy and full of life and his head would be covered in messy orange hair. He'd cry out Kageyama’s name with a passion only found in these private moments. His nails would rake red pathways down Kageyama’s back. They'd climax together and find sweet sleep in the after glow of their love making.

Dreams had to end sometime, and Kageyama’s gave way to a reality worse than nightmares. Hinata was having a bad day. More hair fell out. His once bright eyes now looked sunken in with heavy bags beneath them. Every rib showed with greater prominence than before as he leaned over the toilet and hurled until there was nothing left to throw up.

Kageyama could do nothing to help him. All he could do was stand in the doorway and hate the unfairness of it all. He hated what Hinata was going through. Hated that at seventeen years old, he was suffering like this.

It took everything Kageyama had not to break down as he helped Hinata stand to brush his teeth. Was it normal for chemo to make someone this weak? Was this all par for the course? Tilting his head forward, Kageyama went to kiss the back of Hinata's neck, but instead sobbed into his shoulder.

“Kageyama?” Hinata asked quietly as he set his toothbrush down.

Kageyama continued crying as he held onto Hinata, squeezing him more tightly as each sob escaped him.

With some effort, Hinata managed to turn around in Kageyama's arms. He lifted his boyfriend’s face with both hands, staring lovingly into blood shot blue eyes. “I love you, Kageyama. It's going to be okay.”

Kageyama nodded and closed his eyes, letting out a shuddering breath as he tried to compose himself. _It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay._ He put the words on repeat as he helped Hinata back to bed. He crawled beneath the covers and pulled a shivering Hinata against his warm body. He was always so cold, even on the warmest days he still wore a jacket and a hat and socks. Kageyama ran his hands up and down Hinata's arms to try and create heat. Tucking his face against Hinata's throat, he breathed in his scent and closed his eyes. Hinata's body relaxed as the shivering stopped and they both fell asleep.


	8. Baldy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama does something nice for Hinata

By Summer break, Hinata was both back home and completely bald. He pretended it didn't bother him, but Kageyama knew better. That's why he was in his bathroom with a pair of clippers about to shave off his own dark locks. He looked in the mirror and smirked, “Here goes nothing.”

Clumps of dark hair fell into the sink one by one. He ran a hand over the buzzed areas, shocked at how velvety it felt. _Hinata’s going to flip!_ Excited to show off his new hair cut, Kageyama quickly cleaned out the sink and finished getting dressed.

He raced over to Hinata's house, excited but anxious at the same time. He never knew what kind of day Hinata was having. There was no way to know until he arrived, and even the best days could turn bad fast. That's what had happened the day before, and Kageyama hated feeling powerless to help his boyfriend.

The boys were well Beyond the courtesies of knocking on each other's doors before entering. Kageyama kicked off his shoes and announced his presence as he kleenex the front door. To his delight, Hinata was sitting at the kitchen table finishing his breakfast. Kageyama knew in that moment it was going to be a really good day.

“Ka-!” Hinata didn't even get the word out before his jaw went slack at the sight before him.

Kageyama grinned, “Do you like it?” He asked as he rubbed his fuzzy head.

Hinata stood and walked over to him. Reaching up with both hands, he rubbed Kageyama's head back and forth. “Yes!” He giggled, delighted that his sweet boyfriend would do such a thing for him. “We match now.”

Kageyama laughed slightly, his stomach full of butterflies at seeing how happy he'd made Hinata. Resting his hands on Kageyama’s shoulders, he stood on his tip toes and kissed him. “I love you,” Hinata whispered as he hugged Kageyama and relished in the sweetness of the moment.

“I love you too,” Kageyama said as he held Hinata, kissing the place where wild orange hair used to grow.

Hinata let go of Kageyama and stepped off his feet. With excitement in his expression, he said, “Can we play volleyball today?”

Kageyama hesitated, “Are you up for it?”

“Yes! I feel great today!” ‘Great’ meant he wasn't throwing up or unable to get out of bed. It didn't necessarily mean he felt good.

Kageyama couldn't resist Hinata, however. Any request that boy made, Kags tried to give him. So, without delay, Hinata grabbed the ball from his bedroom and headed outside with Kageyama. His enthusiasm was contagious, and Kageyama might've forgotten how sick Hinata really was if it hadn't been for his lack of hair and nonexistent stamina.

When they reached the empty gym, they stretched quickly and then stepped out onto the court. “Toss me the ball!” Hinata shouted as he jogged slowly toward the net.

Knowing Hinata wouldn't be able to jump as high as he once did, Kageyama aimed the ball lower than normal. It was disheartening to see Hinata miss it anyway. “Again! I'm just a little rusty, that's all.”

“Okay,” Kageyama said as he set the ball once more. This time, he aimed even lower.

Hinata managed to hit the ball weakly, sending it straight into the net. It bounced off and rolled away, Hinata trailing after it. He threw the ball back to Kageyama, “Again!” He shouted excitedly, apparently pleased with himself for hitting the ball at all.

Kageyama would set the ball several more times. Hinata would miss it almost as many. After finally making it over the net, he stood there and watched the ball roll away. “Kags?”

“Yes?”

“I'm tired now. Can we go home?”

“Sure.”

Neither of them knew it yet, but that would be the last time either of them ever played. Hinata wouldn't have the strength to do much after that. Even walking felt like it sucked the wind right out of him. Kageyama would one day find it far too difficult to step foot out in the court.

When they got back to Hinata's house, they were left to their own devices while Hinata’s mother worked. With a shy smile, Hinata looked up at Kageyama, “Shower with me?”

Kageyama’s heart pounded. “Would love to.” They hadn't been intimate since before Hinata started treatment. Part of it was due to Hinata being too sick or too tired, but the other part was that Kageyama was afraid he'd hurt Hinata. The boy looked so fragile now. Somehow, he seemed smaller than when they first met.

Hinata started the water and began to strip his clothing. At first Kageyama simply watched him, fascinated by his boyfriend’s bare skin. It no longer bothered him that Hinata was so thin and bony. He'd become accustomed to the way the boy now looked.

“Are you going to get undressed or just stand there and stare at me?”

“Oh!” Kageyama blushed and Hinata giggled. He quickly kicked out of his clothes and followed Hinata into the hot shower.

Somehow, the water pouring down Hinata's pale skin made him look even more sickly. He almost looked like a drowned rat. A hairless rat. Even his eyebrows and eye lashes had fallen out at this point. To Kageyama, however, he was beautiful. He was perfect. Cancer couldn't change how much he loved that boy. Nothing could.

Placing both hands on either side of Hinata's skinny face, Kageyama brushed his thumbs across his hollow cheeks as he smiled down at him. Then he kissed Hinata, his tongue gracing the entrance to Hinata's mouth. Hinata was about to open his mouth and invite him in when Kageyama dropped to his knees, his hands sliding down soaked skin.

“I don't know if it works anymore,” Hinata remarked, embarrassed. Chemo did a lot of terrible things to the body, and the ability to have sex was one thing it seemed more than happy to destroy.

“We’ll see about that,” Kageyama grinned as he squeezed Hinata's ass and piled the lump of flesh into his mouth. It was wet and warm and slightly salty tasting from Hinata’s sweat. Kageyama didn't mind, however. He sucked hard, massaging Hinata's balls with one hand as he went.

Hinata moaned above him, leaning against the shower wall to steady himself. “So… good…”

The soft flesh began stiffening, and Kageyama sucked with even more passion now. He felt triumphant that he could get his boyfriend hard even though Hinata had doubted it. He hummed around the hard cock, pressing the tip all the way to the back of his throat and gagging the way Hinata liked.

Hinata wanted to dig his fingers into dark hair, but there was nothing for his fingers to grasp. Instead, he wrapped both hands around the back of Kageyama's head and began thrusting, face fucking his boyfriend. His thrusts weren't as powerful as they once were, and he didn't have the stamina he once had. That didn't matter, however, because it felt so good to be hard inside that wet, hot, sucking mouth. Hinata hadn't been hard in months. He hadn't come in months. As his climax built, he wasn't sure what to expect in the way of an orgasm.

“Kageyama!” Hinata shouted as his hips jolted and jerked and finally came to a stop add he burst down Kageyama’s throat.

The come tasted different than it used to, but Kageyama didn't pay much mind to it as he swallowed it down and sucked Hinata from base to tip one final time. Hinata shivered from the after shocks, and as Kageyama stood, he wrapped Hinata in his arms and kissed him. Hinata could taste the remnants of his own come on Kageyama's mouth as his tongue swept across Hinata's teeth.

Hinata opened his mouth further, letting Kageyama in. He felt Kageyama's hardness bump against him and he giggled into the kiss. They'd have to do something about that. “Kage?”

“Mm?”

“I want- I want you. Inside me, I mean. I want to try it.”

Kageyama’s eyes widened a bit as he held his lover close. They had tried many things, but they'd yet to have penetrative sex. They had planned on trying it on Kageyama’s birthday, but that plan fell to pieces with Hinata’s cancer diagnosis. “You're sure?”

Hinata nodded and pressed Kageyama against him harder. “Let's finish washing up before we run out of hot water, then we'll go to my bedroom.”


	9. First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama and Hinata make love

Kageyama had never washed himself so fast in his life. It was almost comical to Hinata how excited he was. They ran out of hot water just as Hinata reached to turn the shower off. They grabbed their towels and rushed into his room, excited and nervous for their first time. Their _real_ first time.

They kissed as they reclined upon the bed, Hinata beneath his younger lover. Kageyama sat up and reached into Hinata's nightstand drawer where they kept the lube and pulled out the small bottle. He squeezed a generous amount onto his fingers, then place the bottle on the bed. Gently pushing on Hinata's thighs, he had the other boy bend his knees and spread his legs. With his free hand, Kageyama separated Hinata's ass cheeks and placed the cool gel right in the center, pushing one finger against his entrance.

Hinata squirmed and sucked in a sharp breath. “It's cold!” He said in surprise.

“It'll warm up. Try to relax,” Kageyama instructed.

Hinata let his head fall against the pillows and he breathed out, feeling his body relax as his ass was invaded by Kageyama’s fingers. Having just one finger swirl around inside him felt kind of nice, but strange. When he inserted a second finger, Hinata felt an odd sort of fullness and semi uncomfortable stretch. He adjusted to it, noticing that occasionally he felt like he might come again.

“You’re getting hard,” Kageyama remarked casually as he stroked himself slowly with his free hand. He was achingly hard at this point and simply _dying_ to be inside his boyfriend.

Hinata looked down at his cock, shocked to see it at half mass. “I keep feeling like I need to come.”

“That's me touching your prostate,” Kageyama explained. “Are you ready for more?”

Hinata nodded, and a third finger was inserted. Hinata hissed and tensed, the pain and stretch almost too much. Remembering Kageyama's words, he breathed out and forced himself to relax as Kageyama steadily stretched him open. The pain gave way to that strange fullness and the desire to come, and Hinata found himself stroking his own cock as he slowly rocked down on Kageyama's fingers.

“ _God_ you're hot,” Kageyama commented as he finger fucked his boyfriend open. He loved the way Hinata’s face twisted in pleasure. The little grunts and groans that escaped him.

“Fu- fuck me. Kags. I need you,” Hinata whispered, breathless as he came once again, this time all over his own stomach.

The sight before him blew Kageyama's mind. Never had Hinata looked like such a beautiful wreck as he did then. Removing his fingers from Hinata and leaning over his spent, hot body, Kageyama kissed Hinata. “Ready?”

Hinata nodded. He was ready as he could ever be. It was time, he knew, to enter a world where he knew what it felt like to truly make love. He wanted this like he wanted so many things. And in the throws of their passion, Hinata didn't feel any pain when Kageyama pushed himself slowly inside.

Kageyama wrapped his strong arms around his lover and kissed him. He left a trail of kisses along his jaw and down his neck as he slowly began to rock his hips. Hinata hissed and tensed a few times in pain, but Kageyama would hold still, ever patient, and wait for Hinata to relax.

“This feels _amazing,”_ Kageyama breathed as he pushed in and out of Hinata's tight body. It was like nothing he'd ever felt before, and his mind was completely empty of all thoughts as his body ached for release. He trembled as he held onto Hinata, barely even feeling the fingernails digging into the skin of his back.

“T-Tobio! Ah!” Hinata screamed as he climaxed for a third and final time, nearly passing out from the overwhelming sensations. His body trembled and he lost his grip on Kageyama, his arms falling onto the bed below.

Kageyama was surprised to hear his name called. Hinata never called him by that name. “Shoyo,” Kageyama whispered, his eyes locking onto Hinata’s as his body finally careened over that glorious edge and he came with a cry inside his lover.

Afterward, Kageyama briefly left the bed to grab a towel off the floor to clean them both up with. He crawled back into bed on shaky hands and knees, bringing Hinata into his body and covering them with the sheet. Hinata shivered a bit, but soon relaxed into the warmth offered by Kageyama's body. He pressed his face into Kageyama's chest and breathed him in. He smelled like home.

They both fell asleep quickly, bathing in the afterglow of their love. They dreamed sweet dreams of being together, of being healthy, of living the life they always wanted. They'd make love over and over again in their dream and never have to suffer or have things they loved taken from them. In their dreams they lived a perfect life.

The boys didn't know it that night, but that would be the first and last time they made love like that. Hinata would be admitted to the hospital the next day after passing out in the bathroom and hitting his head on the way down. He'd wake up in a hospital room with a slight head ache, a sleeping Kageyama in the chair next to him.

“Kags?” he croaked out, his throat dry and voice hoarse.

Kageyama stirred and yawned, waking up quickly when he realized Hinata had come to. “How are you feeling?”

“My head hurts.”

“You hit it pretty hard. I'm not surprised.”

Hinata nodded. Then he noticed a pained look in Kageyama's eyes. “What is it?”

Tears welled in Kageyama's eyes and he quickly wiped them away. Taking in a shuddering breath, he said, “The doctors told your mom today that treatment didn't work, Hinata. The cancer has- it- s- spread,” Kageyama broke down, folding across Hinata's lap as he wept.

The news shocked Hinata. _No._ He was supposed to get better. He was doing everything right. He was taking the medicine and doing his treatments. “That can't be right,” he whispered, one hand on Kageyama's back as the other covered his hands. “I can't be dying. I'm only seventeen.”

Hinata would sit in silence as his boyfriend fell apart. The news didn't feel real to him. It couldn't be real. For some reason, he couldn't accept the truth, and as he watched his boyfriend fall to pieces, all he could Thom was the doctors had to be wrong.


	10. If I Asked You To Marry Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama asks Hinata a question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished the story and just decided to go ahead and post all the chapters. Enjoy!

Because the chemo had such harsh side effects on poor Hinata, he decided to stop treatment. “There's a clinical trial I could do, but there are no guarantees.” He explained to Kageyama.

“Why don't you try it? You have nothing to lose,” Kageyama encouraged.

“What if I have bad side effects?”

“Stop taking the medicine,” Kageyama shrugged. He knew it was a shot in the dark that this trial would do anything, but he wanted to try _something._

“That's true,” Hinata contemplated his options. “I'll try it.”

Kageyama smiled and hugged Hinata, but inside he was dying. He was losing Hinata and there was nothing either of them could do about it. Hinata wasn't going to live to see eighteen. He wasn't going to live to go on that vacation so Kageyama could propose. It was all bullshit according to Kageyama. It was bullshit and he hated everything.

Hinata had been adamant about wanting to be at home in his own bed when he passed, so he was released from the hospital on palliative care at home. He had a nurse come over and check on him every morning and every evening. It made him feel like his end was even closer than he realized every time they showed up.

Kageyama stayed by his side, refusing to leave him. He refused to go to school when it started back after summer break. He refused to play volleyball. All he did was sit by Hinata while he slept. He held his hand and told him stories. Kageyama kissed his ashen skin and gave him extra blankets when he was cold.

Visitors came and visitors went. Everybody from the team stopped by as often as possible when they first heard the news. They brought food and candy or manga for Hinata to read. Eventually they stopped bringing food when they realized Hinata couldn't eat anymore.

“How are you holding up?” Suga asked Kageyama as they sat by a sleeping Hinata.

“Shittily,” He answered honestly as he cast weary eyes over his love. “I'm in shambles, Suga. I can't sleep. I hardly eat. I'm so fucking depressed.”

“I'm here for you, Kags. We all are. Hinata wouldn't want you to suffer like this. I'm sure if he knew how bad off you are he'd be very upset,” Suga said. “Do you think you can try to get some sleep tonight? For Hinata?”

Kageyama turned to face Suga, “I do try to sleep. I do worry that he's gonna see straight through me and get mad. I can't help it Suga. It feels like I'm dying.”

“But you’re not,” Suga said firmly. “You get to live. You get the one thing Hinata would give anything to have. Please don't squander it.”

“I'm not trying to. I'm really not.”

“He would want a good future for you.”

“There is no good future with him.”

“I know it feels that way now, but it won't always.” Suga patted Kageyama's knee and stood. “You'll tell him I came by?”

“I'll tell him.”

Not long after Suga left, Hinata woke up crying and confused. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary for him. It took Kageyama holding him in his bed, rocking softly to and fro, for him to calm down. Apparently the trial medication gave him nightmares, but it helped significantly with his pain.

“I'm sorry,” Hinata whispered as he lay against Kageyama's chest.

“Don't you dare,” Kageyama scolded gently.

“I love you, Tobio.”

“I love you too,” Kageyama kissed his head and rubbed his back. “Hey, I was thinking.”

“Did it hurt?”

“Shut up,” Kageyama laughed. “I'm being serious. Would you ever consider marrying me if I asked?”

Hinata weakly lifted his head to get a better look at his crazy boyfriend. “Are you asking?”

“I'm asking what you would do if I asked.”

Hinata just stared at his boyfriend. Sometime the guy could be so dense. “I would probably say no.”

“Oh,” Kageyama's heart sank.

“I'm kidding,” Hinata giggled. “Of course I would marry you. I would be the luckiest guy in the world.”

Kageyama beamed. He kissed Hinata and said, “You know that trip we were planning that we never got to go on?”

“Yeah.”

“I was going to propose to you on the beach. That was my plan.” Kageyama frowned. “It'll never happen now.”

Hinata felt his chest become heavy with emotion and he clung tighter to Kageyama. “Close your eyes.”

“What? Why?”

“Just do it.”

Kageyama grumbled a bit but obeyed.

“Imagine we're at the beach. We have our toes in the sand. The waves are crashing on the shore. Do you hear it?” Hinata asked.

“Yeah,” Kageyama whispered, relaxing into the daydream.

“Now, imagine it's just the two of us on that beach. Is there something you wanted to ask me, Kageyama?”

“Yes,” Kageyama said slowly, “Hinata. Shoyo. Will you do me the honor of making me the happiest man alive by taking my hand In marriage? Please?”

Hinata sighed at hearing the words. His weak heart bounded in his chest. “Yes!” He said, elated. “Yes a thousand times.”

“But I don't have rings.” Kageyama’s face fell.

“Would some string do?”

“I guess.”

It took some effort, but Hinata was able to get up from the bed and shuffle over to his closet. Kageyama opened his eyes and watched his boyfriend- no, his fiance- shuffle around for a moment. Hinata returned to the bed with two pieces of brown twine in his hands. He sat up in the bed and looped one of the strings around Kageyama's ring finger. “I, Shoyo, do take Tobio to be my lawfully wedded husband. I promise to cherish him all my days, until death do us part.”

Taking the other string from Hinata, Tobio did the same to his ring finger and repeated the vows. “I, Tobio, promise to love you, Shoyo, with all my heart and soul until the end of our days.”

They looked at each other, silent for a moment. “I think you're supposed to kiss me now,” Hinata whispered.

“Oh. Right.” Kageyama leaned forward and kissed his new husband, their fingers interlocked as they took in the sweet moment.

Afterward, Hinata decided he'd had enough excitement for one day and promptly fell asleep on Kageyama's chest. Kageyama kissed his bald head and smiled, “I'll love you forever.”


	11. Goodbye, My Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama misses Hinata

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not crying, you're crying!

The days only brought with them Hinata's swift decline and an aching in Kageyama that wouldn't go away. Hinata slept more than he was awake now. He couldn't get out of the bed. He was often confused when he was conscious. The hand Kageyama held felt like bones with skin stretched over it. Hinata wasn't really there anymore, Kageyama realized, and he wondered how long he'd been gone.

The nurse that day told them that Hinata would go any moment. The whole room was so quiet that the ticking of the clock on the wall seemed loud. Hinata's mother and sister sat by his side and said goodbye and cried quiet tears. When they couldn't take anymore, they walked out of the room.

Kageyama hated that they abandoned Hinata. Hinata needed them there, couldn't they see that? Angry at the world for so many reasons, Kageyama wanted to punch a wall, anything, and let his rage out. Instead he found himself crying angry tears as he climbed into the bed with Hinata one last time.

Hinata stirred, but didn't wake as Kageyama pulled what was left of his lover into him. He kissed his bony, ashen face and whispered, “I love you. I love you so much, Hinata.”

Hinata breathed out softly and opened his eyes halfway. He hadn't been lucid in days, but in that moment, he seemed to recognize his love. “Kags!” He smiled, his voice too weak to shout the way he wanted to. “I love you too,” he said, closing his eyes as a serene grin painted itself permanently upon his face.

Kageyama felt Hinata's weak body take several slow, shallow breaths before it stopped moving at all. He buried his face against Hinata and sobbed loudly. He clung to Hinata's body, knowing soon they would come and take him away. They would take him away and bury him and he'd never see Hinata again. It was all so horrible and unfair, and Kageyama crushed Hinata's body against him as he wept openly, grieving the loss of the purest love he'd ever known.

Hinata's family was kind enough to give Kageyama space to grieve. They left him alone with Hinata for as long as he needed. When Kageyama finally left the room, he and Hinata's mother simply looked at each other without saying anything. They both knew the other loved Hinata beyond words anyway, and that nothing could stop the pain that crushed their souls.

Kageyama was allowed to bring home a few of Hinata's affects. He took a few shirts, his team jersey, favorite manga, pillow and blanket. When he got home, Kageyama piled into bed with all the things he'd brought from Hinata's house and breathed in the scent of Hinata that still lingered there. 

Suga let himself into Kageyama's room, the grief permeating the air. He didn't say a word. He simply crossed the room, climbed into the bed, and held Kageyama as they both wept. They'd lay like that for hours, both of them wondering how they were going to live without Hinata.

That winter was the hardest season of Kageyama's life. He didn't even remember Christmas. All he could feel was his pain. He twirled the twine ring on his finger and remembered his vows. Marriage was too short. Life was too short. It was too short and too awful and too hard. He didn't want to live without Hinata. He didn't know how.

“Are you joining the volleyball club next year?”

Kageyama grimaced. He never wanted to think of that sport again. “No,” was his simple reply. He had no interest in ever setting foot in a gym again. Those days were long over. His passion for volleyball died before Hinata did. He could never go back to it. There were too many memories.

Kageyama stood in the closet where he and Hinata first kissed. That first magical kiss that changed everything between them. It changed his life forever. “I miss you so much!” He sobbed. In the distance, he swore he heard someone singing “Fly me to the moon…”

One day the twine would fray and break off and be lost to time. One day it wouldn't hurt so bad to think of his first boyfriend. One day, Kageyama would be sitting in his college class waiting for the bell to ring the start of his first day when a disheveled orange haired guy ran into the class room and sat next to him. He would sit down just seconds before the bell rang and he’d smile at Kageyama, a warm, inviting thing. “Looks like I’m right on time!” He’d say.

The resemblance would be uncanny, and Kageyama would try not to stare. Dead childhood boyfriend’s did not reincarnate into annoying college classmates. Right? “I'm Kageyama Tobio.”

The orange haired guy smiled, full of life and energy, and said, “It's nice to meet you! I'm Kikai!”

Kageyama smiled despite finding the guy irritatingly too happy. It reminded him of everything he loved about Hinata. For the first time since losing Hinata, Kageyama thought about what it might be like to love again. “Want to study with me after class?”

“Sure!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you loved reading this as much as I loved writing it. This was a joy to write and yet it was so emotional. ❤

**Author's Note:**

> I love all kinds of feedback. If you're enjoying this story, please leave a kudos or a comment or both! This story is for you, the reader, and it is my hope that you find a happy little escape here. It is always so nice to hear from readers, so please don't be shy!


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